Decaf

You've never had a real job?
I worked at a coffee shop in SoHo and rich people yelled at me.

Why don't you smile more?
My face doesn't work that way.

Why don't you want kids?
They are so loud in the morning.
And they freak out if you don't smile a lot.

Don't you get lonely on the road?
Yes.
Meet me in St. Louis and see for yourself.

You don't get nervous anymore?
No. Just lonely and horny.
Meet me in Virginia Beach and I will prove it to you.

What makes you happy?
Coffee and attractive women with no kids who could care less that I don't smile a lot.

What makes you sad?
Decaf coffee and attractive women with kids who hate it that I don't smile a lot.
And people at bus stops.

Are you satisfied with what you wrote?
No.