Promotion

So I taped that Comedy Central Presents a week or so ago.
That went well and the people were very nice. Comedy Central also aired this special I did for The Bob and Tom Tour last night. So...
Hold on a second.
What?
What's with all the bragging?
I wasn't bragging I was just informing people (fans?) of what I have been up to.
But you're only mentioning good stuff.
Yeah. So...
Well, that's just sheer promotion. You're doing nothing more than tooting your own horn.
Nice contemporary reference.
Be that as it may, if you were truly just

informing people of what you have been up to

, you would also mention the fact that you spend the majority of your time by yourself being exceedingly unfunny. Pacing your tiny bedroom, gulping coffee, chastising yourself for past mistakes, missed opportunities, ugly transgressions and staring at hundreds of photos of naked women.
People don't want to hear that shit.
How do you know what your fans want? You almost never talk to them. Acting all shy and uncomfortable when they come up to compliment you after your shows. You're such a phony.
Maybe I am.
Maybe?
So you think I am?
I try not to be.
How?
Well, I guess by saying as little as possible. That way I am keep track of all my words and make sure they are true.
I just think it is hypocritical of you to chastise people like Jennifer Aniston, Dane Cook, or Sara Jessica Parker, or Bob Saget or that Goo Goo Dolls guy and whomever else decides to put their name behind a product when here you are doing the exact same thing.
But the product is me...
What is so great about you?
Well I just taped a Comedy Central Presents a week or so ago...
There you go again. Stroking yourself.
You asked me a question. I'm answering it, you piece of shit!
So the best thing about you is that you taped some insignificant comedy special on a cable channel? And , oh yeah, I looked it up. They've been giving those specials to comics for the last ten plus years. Ten years, twenty plus comics a year. Yeah, you are truly one in a million, Nick.
Look. I don't want to argue. I'm just trying to do more blogging, because people say that's good to do for the fans. I don't know.
Hey, I'm not trying to bum you out. I'm just trying to keep you from becoming one of those people you hate.
Too late.
No. You're okay.
Really?
Yeah. Now take your pill and go to bed.
I am a little tired.
Of course you are. You're a weak little man with no backbone and zero integrity.
Fuck you!