I am smoking again.
I know. I know.
It's not good for me.
If it makes you feel any better, I don't enjoy it.
I'll stop, just not sure when.
Why do I do it?
It's the best my brain can come up with.
Women hate it.
But when I stop smoking I cry.
And that's not exactly a turn on to the ladies either.
My goal is to some day cry while I am smoking.
What makes me feel better?
Ice cream.
A new joke.
A naked lady.
A good horror movie.
Yeah. I am a real classy guy.
I tried to follow the political campaigns but they are so gay.
"I am better than him."
"She's a doody head."
"I think God is so cool."
Ugh.
Sometimes I pretend like I have political views so people will pay attention to me.
Then they hear what I have to say and they think I am a dummy.
Mission accomplished.
I walk around a lot.
I drink water and coffee.
I shoot urine out of my weiner.
I eat pizza and burritos.
I stay up late.
I listen to the radio.
I am reading a book. The Easy Way To Stop Smoking.
It's taking forever.
I sleep in a bed in a small room.
i get up in the middle of the night and shoot more urine out of my weiner and when I am up I go to the window and smoke a cigarette and I think I shouldn't be doing this and then I don't enjoy it and I resent myself for doing it anyway.
Then I smash the butt in the ice cream lid i use for an ash tray and I go back to bed.
Sometimes I stop in the living room and write down an idea for a joke or a screenplay.
it usually doesn't work.
But sometimes it does and when it does I feel better for a while.
2 comments:
I played football at William Jewell College.
I pretended to run plays in the locker room before the game because I knew I would not get anywhere near the field to actually run them. Nick knows what I'm talking about.
I was scared of the field anyway. I usually pretended to get a drink when they were looking for recievers so I would'nt have to go in.
Sometimes I tell people I played college football to look cool. Then they see my bald head and I don't look that cool anymore. My kids think I'm cool, so I continue to tell them I played college football. My son asked me how many touchdowns I scored. I told him scoring touchdowns wasn't what team sports was all about. I told him 72.
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